When Good Intentions Harm: A Cautionary Tale for Parents Supporting Their Adult Children’s Healing

I froze for a moment as my 27-year-old client shared what had unfolded recently. She’s a deeply intelligent and insightful young woman, currently navigating a painful chapter in her life. She’s working through layers of trauma, managing cyclic depression and anxiety, and simultaneously building a strong, authentic sense of self. Her commitment to healing is inspiring — she shows up, does the work, and reflects with honesty and courage. I’ve watched her make incredible strides. So, when she recounted what had happened with her mother’s “attempt to help,” it was heartbreaking.

Her mother is a loving, well-intentioned woman — strong-willed, highly educated, and professionally accomplished. An immigrant to Canada over 30 years ago, she has faced her own share of challenges and overcome them with grace. I share this context to emphasize: this isn’t a story of neglect or malice. It’s a story of misguided love and the unseen harm of emotional control.

Recently, in the midst of her daughter’s healing journey, the mother insisted on involving a self-proclaimed healer — a “shaman.” Despite her daughter’s reservations, she emotionally pressured her into agreeing to a session. Out of respect and exhaustion, my client complied.

What unfolded was nothing short of a psychological fiasco. The “healer” placed two water bottles on the table — one pink, one blue — stating that the pink bottle represented my client, and the blue, her ex-husband (who, by the way, is very much alive). The healer claimed she could channel his “spirit” to provide insight into why the marriage ended.

Yes — this happened. In Canada. In 2025.

She then launched into a dramatic, theatrical monologue, finally declaring that the ex-husband left the marriage due to confusion about his sexual orientation — all based on an imagined spiritual conversation. Throughout this session, my client’s mother sat nearby, watching her daughter with an expression that implied blame. As if this entire unraveling was somehow her daughter’s fault.

Since that day, my client has spiraled.

Her sleep is fractured, her anxiety heightened. She wakes up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts, she’s crying more often, and worst of all — she’s begun blaming herself again. All the emotional ground she had gained over months of hard work now feels undone. She’s more vulnerable, raw, and in pain than before.

To All Parents Reading This:

I understand the ache of watching your child suffer. I know how deeply you want to help. But please hear this with all the compassion in my heart:

• Do not manipulate your child into seeking unverified, unscientific healing methods — especially when they are already under professional mental health care.
• Do not impose your beliefs out of desperation. You may not realize it, but emotional pressure — even from a place of love — can be deeply invalidating.
• Trust the therapeutic process. It may not offer dramatic rituals or quick fixes, but it offers safety, grounding, and real transformation.

What my client needed most was support, space, and belief in her strength. What she got was confusion, emotional upheaval, and a spiritual narrative that derailed her healing.

Love should never come at the cost of mental health.

Parents, your role is powerful. Let it be empowering — not overpowering.